I don’t even know where to start from. It’s as though I’m dreaming. I haven’t been myself for days now. It’s as if my life has come to an end (literally speaking).
So I’ve been in a relationship with my fiancé for almost 5 years now. We were in a long distance for about two years until I was posted to where he stays too.
We’ve had our ups and downs and I must say we’ve been able to pull through although it hasn’t been a smooth ride. Before the relationship, we were friends for about 3 years.
We’re what a lot of our colleagues and friends call “the ideal couple”….as in we’re relationship goals to a lot of them. Most of them look up to us because to them, our relationship is perfect (no relationship is perfect). We’re there for each other, support and encourage each other and We’ve done this through thick and thin.
Fortunately for us, we’re both financially stable at the moment. But before that, it was a rough ride. We’ve been broke and frustrated before, lost hope, etc but God has been good.
Thanks to my late Dad…although he wasn’t rich, he had friends who were up there and managed to get me a stable job before he passed a few years ago.
My fiancé (Well I don’t know if I should still call him that) is a true definition of a hustler. He managed to see himself through school and graduated with a decent class.
He is running his own business now which is doing well. PS: I started working and earning some decent cash before things worked out for him.
I have been his support system and the vice versa. We’ve taken risks together just so his business flourishes. I haven’t regretted because he’s generous and provided he has, he shares. I’m not the demanding type.
He went on his knees last year to propose to me to which I accepted excitedly. My mum was happy because she had always said it was about time we settled down because we’ve been together for years and we love each other and we’re financially stable too so she sees no reason why we should delay.
My mum likes him a lot. He’s been there for me and she sees how supportive he has been. Actually, when I lost my father, I really do not know what I would have done if not for him.
He was there to console me throughout the mourning period. He was even the first to know before me about my dad’s death but was asked to keep it from me for some time because of how emotional I am. I’ve always been a daddy’s girl so it was a big blow to me.
Fast forward, he has changed. I’m months pregnant. Actually the whole pregnancy was planned. After he proposed, I sensed that I was ready to have a baby…..
I was excited about it all and wasn’t worried because we planned tying the knot early this year. He on the other hand was happy too.
About two months ago, he started getting distant. He’s busy with work sometimes so I figured it was his work. But then no…You know you can feel it when you’re being ignored or when someone acts like you’re begging for their attention.
I recently found out he’s cheating and my heart is broken. He’s cheating on me with 3 other ladies. I’m not one to touch his phone but what triggered me was I found an empty condom wrapper under one of the pillows after we had made love.
I found more in a corner of the bed side drawer after I got curious but that was in his absence. We stopped using condoms when I tested positive for the pregnancy so it was a shock to me.
I asked him and he told me its for one of his boys who brought a girl over the previous night. PS: My man doesn’t stay at one place cos of his work and so he’s everywhere in the city.
Sometimes, he and his business partners book apartments to do business and I’ve been to most of such places and never noticed anything of that sort until recently.
So he slept off… and that was when my curiosity pushed me to check his other phone. There’s a fingerprint feature on his phone so there was a way I could open it. So I checked the phone and to my surprise, he’s cheating on me with 3 other ladies.
He has rented a place for one of them and is supporting one in her business. Now I have no idea if I was able to go to his WhatsApp, what I would have seen cos these messages I read were just normal text messages not Whatsapp.
I am convinced they aren’t just friends cos I don’t know who calls their friends baby and other sweet words. Before that incident, he had been harsh and inconsiderate to me cos I got mad at him for posting a female on his status with some sweet caption and emojis for giving him a gift.
Next day, I was to go for a scan at the lab… We fought before he agreed to take me there. We got there and he didn’t even wait for 5 minutes.
He said he had stuff to do so when I’m done, I can call him if I’ll like to meet…. I called him after and he said he wasn’t coming back. From his tone, I could tell he was relaxing at home. But he didn’t care. Later, I asked him if he knows he’s hurting me and he replied that that is what I want and he is doing it intentionally.
Honestly, I have never been hurt like this before. However, we solved the problem that night. He’s been loving after the fight. He’s my first love and most people say we were meant to be.
But its like I’ve been with a stranger all these years. I’m disgusted to say the least. I can’t even stand him anymore and can’t look at him.
I wish the pregnancy was just a few weeks so I can terminate it cos I’m frustrated right now. I’m financially okay to take care of the baby but I’m not sure how emotionally strong I am. I break down easily and he’s been my support system.
My mother lives in a different region with my younger siblings. I’m the firstborn and they all look up to me. I haven’t even told my mum about the pregnancy because she’s not been herself after the loss of her husband and I don’t want her to worry about me for now.
I have always been an advocate for love and healthy relationships and how long lasting relationships are possible. But now I’ve lost the love I had for him.
The love just disappeared all of a sudden. All I feel is hate and disgust for him. I don’t think I can continue with this relationship any longer but I’m scared because all my life, he’s been my best friend. I don’t do friends because of past experiences so I have always been a loner.
Although I have colleagues I laugh and talk to, we’re not too close to be discussing relationship stuff. I’ve always minded my business and always been in my lane cos I don’t want to be hurt. I’ve been committed, loyal, supportive to him.
Even his brothers and friends tell him he’s lucky to have me in his life. His family loves me and treats me like their own. We are the type that spoil each other with gifts and treats often. No one is at the receiving end always.
What if he isn’t cheating on me with the 3 I have evidence of. What if there are more?…What if he’s fallen out of love with me but feels he owes me marriage cos I’ve been there for him and we’ve been together for long?…What if he’s no longer attracted to me anymore?…just what if he’s gotten tired of me?…
Could there be something I’m not doing right?….I don’t think so because our sex life is good. I like to try new things so I keep learning.
Actually, I was very naive when we started dating but he confessed I’ve become a pro. I know its morally wrong cos we’re not married.
I have a great attitude and character, I’m smart, intelligent and very respectful. I’m not a chef but I can brag I prepare the best meals…
I give great advice, some people tell me I’m too mature for my age cos I act and think well. I’m clean and I’m not lazy. And I am pretty too although I think physical attraction doesn’t keep a man 100%.
What do I do?. What if I get infected cos he may not be protecting himself?. I have taken shots of the messages I read cos I think I might need evidence if he finally decides to be dramatic about the whole thing.
I honestly don’t know if I can forgive him. I’m very hurt. I don’t even know how to go about the whole situation. I was hoping we’ll go through this pregnancy together but from what’s going on, it looks like I’m on my own.
I think I’ll feel better after venting cos I felt like someone needed to hear me out. I’ll also like to ask if there are faithful men out there? Because I could swear my man was faithful until what I saw.
But now, I’m even scared of the next chapter. How do I go about this whole thing?. I’ll be 25 this year and he will be 27. I’ve been crying and my eyes have reddened and I don’t know what to do.
Please let me add that, his people are planning to go and see mine next month to pay my bride price so we get married. But I think that won’t be necessary anymore considering the situation at hand.